We find it interesting that romance and passion seem to lead to the creation of small humans, but in turn, the small humans do not lead us back to romance and passion. More than likely adding children to the mix makes it more challenging to find time to connect as a couple. If you’re like most couples, in the beginning maybe even the first few years of your child’s life you don’t mind sacrificing romance. You are consumed with “everything baby” and are overjoyed with your new bundle of joy.
Unfortunately, this can be a slippery slope. If you always put your kids first and your spouse/relationship last what kind of relationship will you have in 3, 5 or 7 years? We’ve all heard of the 7-year itch. There is something that happens to couples around 7 years into a relationship. They become comfortable and more often than not slip into a routine. What kind of a routine you develop in your marriage can ultimately make or break it. Most people get married with the intention of it lasting a lifetime. The truth is that nearly 50% of marriages end in divorce.
If you don’t want to fall into a boring “stuck in a rut” marriage routine, we recommend you take the following precautions to ensure YOUR marriage goes the distance.
- Monthly Date Night. You and your partner schedule one date for the other each month. Just two surprise dates monthly. I know what you’re thinking. It’s a lot of work to find a babysitter and get out of the house let alone “planning” a date. Not to mention if you you’ve worked all day and still have to take care of the kids, a date night might just sound like another chore and be exhausting too! Without scheduled date nights your relationship will die a very slow death. One day you will wake up next to your roommate instead of your lover and we know that’s not what you want. So take the time now before it’s too late. Plan special moments that you can continue to make memories together. It doesn’t have to be expensive but it should be something different monthly and not just the “go to” dinner and a movie. Remember, novelty adds spice and passion.
- Communication. This is undoubtedly the cornerstone of a great marriage. Have a monthly or quarterly review. Often time couples sweep things under the rug or avoid being vulnerable in sharing their feelings with each other. Honesty here is key. Take the time to share what’s going great and areas where you can work together to improve your relationship. Here are a few questions below to get you started.
Sit down for at least 30 minutes without any distractions
- How do you feel about us right now?
- Is there any unfinished business we need to discuss?
- How can I make you feel more loved this month?
If you add these two practices into your marriage ritual your satisfaction and love bank account will increase and you’ll have an excellent shot at having a love that stands the test of time. We know your kids are important too but placing your marriage first is essential. If the marriage falls apart so does the family. Think of this as your personalized preventive care or maintenance plan for your most important relationship.