People frequently comment on what a great relationship Marty and I have. While I do have to say this is the best relationship I have ever been in, there have also been challenges along the way. We are two imperfect people navigating in this world. As with all relationships, we each brought our wounds and baggage with us into this relationship. We both can attest that in our relationship together we have experienced more personal growth and development than in any other relationship we’ve been in. So it was definitely worth the struggle to get where we are today.
I recently stumbled upon a blog I wrote for Dana Inspires on August 29th 2016.
Even after tragedy life goes on. You get to choose how that unfolds by your attitude and choices that you make. Several years ago I met a truly amazing wonderful human being who basically gave up life as he knew it to move nearly 400 miles to be with me. Unfortunately 6 weeks after moving he became ill and in less than 10 months he was gone. He was taken by Leukemia. We thought we had the rest of our lives to spend together, yet my role quickly changed from lover to caretaker.
Fast forward in the past few years I have had 2 new romantic relationships with 2 really great guys but they too ended as ultimately we were not on the same page of what we were creating in relationship. There are no guarantees.
So we can choose to close ourselves off to being vulnerable and loving another to avoid possible heartbreak. That truly sounds like a boring and lonely road. The other option is to open our hearts wide and take the risk. Risk it all for the possibility of finding the love of your life that can withstand the test of time. To find the person who will say I choose you to live life to fullest. I choose you as my partner in crime to bring out the best in each other and to learn, grow and evolve. Until you don’t any longer. One of the most wonderful couples I know Joel and Dian have a wonderful perspective on this. They are soul mates and partners until they choose not to be.
So when my latest year and ½ long relationships ended there were tears and crazy emotion’s everywhere. I then immediately thought what if George had not died? I would not being going through this right now. I would be happy and in love, living the life of my dreams, the fairytale. But how can I know that for sure? I can’t. That was the plan to be with each other forever but I didn’t know what the future held for us. We only have today and as a good friend of mine stated when you have a choice to make “choose powerfully”.
So that’s what I did. I was in a relationship and while wonderful and amazing, I knew it was not going to end up where I desired it to be. While painful and difficult to end an amazing and loving relationship it was lacking my ultimate relationship goal…a partnership. This is something that I chose not to compromise on.
We are all going to face difficult decisions throughout our life my hope for you is that you will choose powerfully for your higher good.
So here we are, nearly two years later; Marty and I are still together and stronger than ever. Our break up only lasted a few weeks. We both know we are meant to be together in this crazy life. We have overcome so many obstacles to be together and we’re sure there will be more to come. We are both committed to each other that no matter what comes our way we will work through it. We see a wonderful emotionally focused therapist that is teaching us how to communicate better and be vulnerable in a childlike way. Some examples of that are “you hurt my feelings” or “I’m feeling insecure right now, can you reassure me”. Our partners are not mind readers and while I would love for someone to intuitively do what I want them to do, it’s probably not going to happen most of the time. So don’t be afraid to ask for what you need. You will both be glad you vulnerably shared.
In the past we both always knew where the exit was. This was always an option. Today an easy exit is not an option. Instead of being quick to throw in the towel we now work together to make things better. We are committed to US!
Check out Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson for more information on Emotionally Focused Therapy